Feature Freelance

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By Stacy Kess

My estranged father once told me that my grandfather would garden in his military uniform.

My grandfather, he said, never talked about The War. He wished to forget his memories, using all his relics for a new, lesser purpose. Grandpa’s medals were playthings for my father, which, he admitted, were lost among the games. Grandpa’s uniform became his gardening clothes, as if they were best buried in the dirt.

As I zipped up my gardening pants today, it occurred to me the original use for this pair of thick canvas, waterproof pants. I wore them when I covered the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina as a newspaper reporter.

Between vaccines and planning for the trip, I had stopped at Cabela’s in Dundee, Mich. I carefully picked a pair of pants that would hold up against whatever I would face.

It’s what I faced in these pants that I try to forget. To this day, the memories of Pass Christian, Miss., force a lump into my throat. There was the 3-year-old child that stopped speaking after the hurricane and the barbed wire fence around the town.

Even in the small town that fared considerably well, the destruction was terrible. Military-like barracks were built for residents to replace the destroyed homes.

The areas and people from outside Pass Christian made an equal imprint. People from outside the town traveled many miles to the food tent because to evade hunger.

These memories haunt me in my dreams. When the memorial news stories are played each August, I change the radio station for fear I might start crying again.

When I related my experiences to another nurse recently, I stopped mid-story: I had no voice to continue.

Perhaps I co-opted my pants to try to forget. Perhaps by sullying these pants in my garden, I would blot out my memories. Perhaps the memories would wash off into the dirt and be buried there.

Perhaps I’m just gardening in the way of my grandfather.

Stacy Kess is a registered nurse in Columbus, Ohio, and is taking care of her first garden. She is a former newspaper reporter.